Dear Boob One and Boob Two,
I am writing you this letter because I have something to say to you. When we started our relationship I was only 12, and oh so excited to have you in my life. I thought for sure once you appeared on the scene that the "flat as a board" comments that dopey 6th grade boys taunted me with would disappear. Little did we realize that due to your slow progression that the flat chested jokes would persist, and that "mosquito bites" would be added to the list.
Do you remember when Mom took us to get our first training bra? She was excited, and we were embarrassed. She took us to the Walker Scott down the street and I was so nervous that someone (aka a 6th grade boy) would see us in there buying a BRA! I agreed to the first bra mom showed me just so we could get the heck out of there. Ah, good times, good times!
For several years you two existed as tiny bumps sitting on my bony chest. While other girls had more than enough boobs to go around, you two took your sweet time making your presence known. When you finally starting growing enough to fill out an A cup bra I was elated......I thought this was our big chance, we were finally going somewhere. But alas it was not meant to be, your small stature kept me looking like a boy and you held on to the ability to pass the "pencil test" for the next 12 years.
Even though I had my moments of wishing you were just a little bit bigger, in time I grew to appreciate your small stature. Please forgive me for expecting more from you. After all, I didn't think a B cup too much to ask for when you are a 6 foot tall string bean! After all, I wasn't asking for Pam Anderson Bay Watch bosoms! Little did I know that our time was coming!
After two pregnancy and 20 extra pounds (sorry Mrs. Waist and Mrs. Stomach) I now sit here with two D cups riding shotgun on my chest! I sometimes reminisce over how great it would be to have you back to your perky A cup glory. Goodness knows if you were small you wouldn't have been cursing me for forgetting my sports bra when we went on that horse riding vacation last summer! But then I sit back and think about all the women I know who have had breast cancer and I realize that size really doesn't matter.
What really matters is that you don't go cancer commando on me. But don't fret, I am doing everything in my power to make sure you don't cut my life short. You might remember a few months back when you had your picture taken? Remember when that nice nurse tried really hard to yank ever bit of you (and my armpit) into that machine that squished you flat as a pancake between two pieces of plastic? I know, it was pretty uncomfortable and I apologize for that. I had to keep myself from holding you two as we left the doctors office. But it wasn't that bad and if it helps keep us healthy then I know you will be bouncing for joy when we go again next year.
So boob one and boob two, when you are out and about please remind your fellow boobs that if they are over 40 that they need to get a mammogram every year. Oh and don't forget to tell their owners that if they want to stay looking good in those Victoria Secret bra's they also need to be showing the love with monthly self exams!!
Thanks for listening and thanks for all you have done for me!
Your loving owner,
PS: I promise to head to VS for some new bra's real soon!